It's Saturday. I'm gonna get straight to the main point of today. Kera and I are no longer a couple. Tomorrow was to be our anniversary. We made it nearly six months. We went through a ton of shit that would've driven most normal couples insane. We held it together very good... until today. She gave up on me. She wants time apart. I only want to be with her, but that's not possible. My feelings for her haven't changed since back in October. I love her to death and I really believe that her and I will be together for the rest of our lives. I just hope she finds that same part of her. Until then... life gets reallllllly boring.

I splurged a little bit last night at Guitar Center. I finally broke down and put the Alesis Micron synthesizer on layaway. It'll be mine for good in a week or two. Today, I ended up working from 5 to 11:30 am. It sucked ass. After that, I went to Lodi for a few hours, did some work on my car, hung out with my parents, and then dropped by my friend Chris' house for a little bit. Supposedly, Carl's having a bonfire tonight, but he has yet to return my call. I'm not sure if I wanna go or not yet, but it's an option, I guess. Actually, I feel like just going straight to bed. If he doesn't call shortly, that's probably exactly what I'm going to do. Fuck happiness. I've busted my ass to try to give myself and others a happy life, but I always manage to do something wrong. First it was Sarah. Then it was Heather. And now it's Kera. I'm thinking maybe I'm just not meant to be happy... or at least be with the person I love. If there is a god, then he obviously wants me to be a lifelong bachelor. The sad thing is... I know for a fact that I am a good guy. Sarah, Heather, and Kera all can attest for that. Sure, I have my downfalls just like any other person. But, as a whole, I'd say I've got my shit together. Sarah, of course, would probably have an argument against that, but I can't blame her for that. That was my mistake, not her's. Anyway, I'm sick of living a rollercoaster life. I'm sick of finding happiness, only to have it taken away from me. I'm sick of this fucking journal. I'm sick of opening myself and my feelings up to a world that doesn't give a fuck about me. I guess that my best friend is myself. That's a sad, but true, fact. I'm gonna tell myself that I'm done typing in this stupid thing. I'm gonna tell you all that this is gonna be my last entry, barring some sort of miracle. Miracles don't happen to me, though. My life is just one big mistake after another. But yeah, I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything by expressing myself on here. If you seem to disagree and actually DO give a flying fuck about me and my miserable life, please leave a comment thingy. If I get enough of them to motivate me, then I'll continue to share my lifelong story with you. Otherwise, then I guess I'm right and this is where this part of the journey ends. It's been fun. I'll be back.... maybe. -dT